Its that time of the year again, a time to reflect and ponder and wonder how far we have gone towards reaching our goal in totally submitting ourselves to the will of Allah swt. The year has gone by so fast and before you know it,insyaAllah we will be experiencing another Ramadhan. I have mix feelings this year especially, because many things have happened, some for the better and some not so good...

Since coming back from Haj in 2005/2006, ive gone for Umrah twice once in July 2006 and again recently in May 2007. I feel very fortunate and thankful to have been given this oppurtunity by Allah swt. On the other hand I m also very sad and upset with the situation that im in. Im still bogged down with work and have very little time to do fav things like reading and writing etc...then even my solat is not satisfactory,i know it and i can feel it. Whats more alarming is that i feel that my level of keimanan is deteriorating when i benchmark it against the first time i comeback from Haj. Its normal to have your faith ( degree of it ) flactuate during periods of time but its worrying knowing that its happening and you cant do much to stop the slide. Its also a test by Allah swt-i hope Allah swt will protect and continously guide me and not leave me...

Ramadhan somehow recharges me and my faith. I love the terawih prayers as it makes me feel part of a larger muslim community/ummah. With a hungry tummy and a desire to make the most of Ramadhan the prayers becomes better and better,insyaAllah. Unfortunately for us in Selangor,the state MB has decided that there will be no tazkirah during the break for Terawih prayers.( its our Prophets saw tradition to have a break and teraweh prayers is to be done at a relax pace not like an express train speed so that we can complete 20 rakaat )This is so unfortunate, because its during the tazkirah that we get to understand the Quran better through tafsiran by ulamaks and hafiz, else for people who dont understand Arabic the reading of a whole Quran during this month becomes just that reading-no comprehension no understanding of God's words-warnings,lessons,laws etc.



...unfortunately for my jemaah/qariah and me our Surau in Sek 8 has also been closed by JAIS. ( yesterday after Asar-indefinitely-imagine that Ramadhan is two days away ! ) This is another long and sad story,but suffice to say that the present Government or some of the people in it are people who dont take kindly to criticism. Which brings me to my earlier point-the degree of iman is sliding because you live in an environment that is very antigonistic towards Islam. You are either with them or against them attitude ( same attitude of the Bush administration) makes life very difficult for the average Muslims. The recent events in our beloved country has also made me very angry and sad ( Negarakuku, Riots in Terengganu, Pigs in Malacca ) I feel that Muslims ( in particular Malay Muslims )in this country are slowly but surely loosing their identity and self believe. They are told that to be true Muslims you must follow the mould that the Government has set. Not Al Quran and Al-Hadith.Well this is another area that needs a long and detail analysis...

Ive diverted from the original aim of writing about Ramadhan, although its not totally unconnected...Anyways,have a good Ramadhan and may Allah swt guide us to the straight and correct path and protect us from evil and hellfire.Ameen.

MERDEKA>>>

Salams,its been so long since Ive last written,its been crazy,well whats new its been like that especially this year. I thought it could not get any worse but it has. When I was in college i thought that once i start my working life i would have more time to do things, that are more relaxing and not feel so stress. ( I still have nightmares about failing my math paper and not being able to pursue my degree and coming back in shame...crazy its more than 20 years ago but i still have those dreams...
And here I am at my office at 745pm taking a break because my brains are just too tired too concentrate about wrk. Ive analyse and reanalyse why i cant have more time to myself instead im a slave to my work. I dont know the answer but i do know that this cannot go on. Ive tried to talk to friends and family but the answer is all too common. Basically the choice is mine,they say...but its not as simple as that.
Anyways that would take too much time to write...
I would just like to say that 1. Im proud of my country 2.I happy that Malaysia won the semi final last nite. 3 I hope i would be able to find the time to write more...

money n power the root of it all...

Betrayed,thats how i felt today. Never thought that a close friend would actually stab you in the back,its crazy enough to becareful with your competitors but when the competitor is a friend you dont expect that.

Emails,phone calls,smss are not returned-all i want is clarification,but no she has chosen the silent mode ! Its important in life that you dont have bad thoughts about people,because negative thots creates more negative thots and the consquences is a lot of "bad feelings kind of environment".Tapi takpalah no need to dwell in all this negativity, as i said to this "friend" of mine ( thru sms ) the world is a cycle,what goes around comes around-do good and good things will happen,do bad things and just wait...

But i forgive her, else im just as bad...

Whats the source of this betrayal ? Well,recently when i meet "people"/fellow businessmen-they have been saying things like..ya la you sibok banyak kerja...you seem to be getting all the jobs...etc...the kind of things which is very irritating to hear because you want jobs youve got to work hard,deliver and hope n pray that the almighty continues your rezk

They think "knowing who" is enough even if they dont know how ! There are people who would be supportive of you only if youre lesser than them then if youre better of thats when trouble starts. They dont bother me, but when the backbiting starts...

The cause,its all about money...

AArgh...

does scribling and jotting ideas on a piece of paper or actually listing things that you want to do/need to do assist you in multi tasking ? Mind Mapping ? whats the best way to "organize" your thoughts?

I think it depends on the complexities of the task,simple straight forward problems can be organised linearly whereas the ones that link to one another needs the more than one dimension diagrams..? there are times however the simple one are connected to the more complex ones and v.versa,well cant show it diagramatically here...see because of the medium

talking on the handphone,writing/typing ? on the note book and reading a report thats due in one hour-whats the solution on this. Is Multi tasking doing many things at one time or doing many things at different times but in a limited time frame say within 2hours-that include lunch...

trying to figure out what i just wrote...

Re-focus

Ive been sick for the past few days-really sick-was throwing up and couldnt eat anything. The situation was so bad that i thought that my end was near ! Its during these kind of times that you wish you had live life a bit differently-which had spend more time praying,more time with your loved ones etc...no one im sure on their deathbed would say i wish i had spend more time at work...

So when i went to the office today,after not going for the past four days ! i found that half my staff are going for interviews for government jobs,as we are all aware the government has now better perks than the private sector,especially for entry level and those who are just starting out in their careers. Sometime last year i wanted to quit the business because at that moment i had some savings and even if i didnt get any new jobs, i would be able to survive a couple of years,but then against my better judgement,i decided to continue as i felt responsible towards my staff-i have ten of them-who r married,have kids,car/housing loans etc. But they wouldnt blink an eye in leaving me for greener pastures...but you cant really blame them as a person would do whats best for them.

Therefore i have to refocus too,because to start with a fresh bunch is too taxing,it will at least a year for they have the minimal ability to work within a consultancy environment and that too if they have the right attitude...

Time and how to manage it.

Its been a long,long time since ive written,works it seems is endless,it makes you crazy but you have to do it to survive or else how do you feed the family. I wish there could be more time but you have to make time they say...All i can say is that i dont wish to be working like this for too long,i really wold love to spend more time with the family,more time reading and reflecting,but its not easy. Im quite organised actually-its just that ive got to learn to let go n delegate more, The nature of my business however does not allow me to do that,clients still wants to see me more than my senior staff. Ive got to figurethis out...

TGIF

Its Friday,yes thank God its Friday ! Friday is always special and today its a little bit more special because next week i'll be going to Saudi Arabia for some business purposes-and hopefully,insyaAllah to do my Umrah ! Its been hectic the last few months,a culmination of work,personal responsiblities and professional commitments. Because of the work load my time at the surau has been getting less and less. I feel sad actually but sometimes meetings and work carry over towards magrhib...by the time i get out of office im totally zonk. But i realize that this is not good for me on the spiritual side. I guess its something that you have to work with. Iman is not a constant ! Abt my trip to Saudi it has been changed three times, the dates ! Just to accomodate the VIP's ,im pissed ! I know im not suppose to be,but its difficult to make plans if the dates keep on changing. The trip which is suppose to take place in April has changed because so many times...
Friday thus makes you think more about Allah swt than normal days and there r many sources that testify to this. So we should make the effort to muhasabah ourselves on this day,what we have accomplished in the last few days of the previous week etc. Ive got to decide on my business,where r we going what needs to be done,how long should we stay in this business as the cost of staying in business is rather high ! But its also ibadah as we provide rezeki to others of course Gods rezk,we r just the channel. Anyways...time to get to work!!!