hmm...life

yep... its a long2 time ...since i last posted ( too long ?), i have always feel the need/urge to write but its very difficult when youre always on the move and by the time u get home/ to bed all u wanna to do is sleep ! and more often than not u cant coz you need to read to prepare for the next days meeting or presentatation etc...it has been that hectic. To fit in the daily prayers ( on time) takes a massive amount of effort-actually-but it shouldnt.Today is not a routine day for me,today its a little different,well actually it started a couple of days ago when i got hold of a very interesting book and spend most of the weekend reading it,its one of those books u cant put down. Its a book that hits you,wham,right in the face for its clarity,truthfulness and has the quality that it is as if its really talking to you and answering the questions that have been popping in your head from time to time...the title of the book ? well im not ready to share yet as im sure it has the potential to create controversy and maybe a lil confusion...
so much about the book. actually the last few nights i have not been able to sleep ( well ) and and by 4am im up and alert ( its not because of the ongoing euro ) and enjoy the silent and peace that i find at this time of the morning ( night ?),so since im awake ive been doing my night prayers and i find it an experience that is very satisfying/gratifying-i feel that at that moment in time theres only me in this world communicating to the creator !! its just that your concentration level is so high ( khusyuk ) that you dont really want the prayer nor the morning/night to end...and you feel that you want to share this wonderful feeling wth everyone so that everyone can experience it...
Thats why the last messenger,our beloved prophet pbuh,recommends that it should be done at least once in a life time,ideally-nightly ! Anyways whenever one is pursuing the truth one will be confronted with many trials and tribulations,its like that,theres no escaping ,it comes in a package...So i was feeling so elated this morning-feel that i can face the whole world,feel so heavenly (?) and take whatever it (the world)has to offer for the day. So i snd sms to friends and family that i think would appreciate a little reminder...
But i was soon brought down to earth...
Many friends/family/relatives tell me that they think im strong and i can handle the most difficult of situations. i have always ( try ) potrayed that too,but i think im weak ( or just human ?)...a simple argument with my children/wife ( esp wife ) will make me really depress and sad and i find it very2 difficult to focus on my work-but i have to put on a brave front-its hard to smile when you really feel rotten inside. What makes me really crazy is that the argument is really over some things that is sooo.. insignificant ( maybe to me but not to them ? ) But really human communication ( man/woman/child ) can sometimes be so difficult...i guess thats what makes life interesting,huh..?Maybe i m too sensitive, but if you learn to put on a front be hard and unemotional about things then you become hard and unemotional ! See, in situations like this its good to talk to someone not emotionally attached so that you can discuss about it objectively-but how,when,who...so you end up writing...but im not that expressive in writing especially when im doing work,answering calls etc.well its 615 pm,got to call it quits, got to finish some work and will be leaving for NS early 2moro am for a mtf,site visit and presentation-maybe,insyaAllah when i pray tonite,i will feel elated again...