being a dad...part one...

Salams,its truly incredible and amazing that my children have all grown up,everyday I thank Allah swt for all that He has bestowed upon me. i am truly blessed. It seems only yesterday that they were all babies,fragile and very dependent...how time flies,it just shows that you have to cherish every moment in your life and not be too concerned about the future,live life to the fullest. Yes,sure, you have to make plans for the future,but not to the extent that you are so bogged down with it that you forget the present. sometimes i have been hard on my children,because i worry about their future,sometimes too hard. i hope that one day they will understand that its not easy being a responsible father. I married young,had children early and at the same time i was still doing my own growing up. even now I'm still learning and growing up ( not height wise though...he2 ). I had a difficult time as a teenager,growing up in Kuala Lumpur, yeap i guess i had this complex about not being/belonging to any one group ( the rich kids,the really ganas kids of Keramat or Kampung Baru ) i wasn't a brilliant student ( the only one who did not go to SBP among the siblings ) but somehow i survive, i made do with what i had and learn to adapt. at one stage in my adolescent life-my mom and dad didn't even know i was around ! They had eight kids and while i was growing up the family had its fair share of problems. difficult marriage(s),sick brother,financial problems, I was just number 6-crazy about soccer,did not create problems,just was around. When i went to play soccer in Pahang and did not comeback for a couple of days no one noticed-bcoz when i come back,no one ask where i went !! That's why I'm kind of obsessed to know where my kids are all the time.So there...thats why.
I'm trying to explain/understand some of my own actions as a dad,ok...Yana,Emil and Na...and Iyas and Im if you happen to read this.Anyways reading your blog(s) i realised that you guys are so worried that your writing is not up to the mark,don't worry,just write how you feel and you will improve,let your honesty and creativity flow...insyaAllah it will be ok. But believe me,so far i think you guys are very creative,i love reading your blogs...it helps me feel connected. The modern way of life is so demanding on time that we have to make the extra effort to keep in touch,to tell and remind each other that whatever happens,insyaAllah we have each other and that our little family is very big at heart and that we have each other always.
I have got some work to do so ive got to leave this space,dont know when ill continue to write but i will read your blogs whenever i can...ta...