31 august 2008, 1 Ramadhan 1429

I feel a bit down today. Amongst the reasons is when i read the newspapers its really depressing, i dont know if others have the same observation-the star is actually a very racist paper, i have notice over the years that they would highlight apparent weaknesses of Malays and Muslims and glorify sucesseses of other races particularly of the Chinese. Its done quite subtly but the message is clear. Wonder if there are people monitoring them and taking note of the prejudices that they write in the print. The NST is no better, they are too pro-establishment and do not write objectively. The Malay newspaper are just as bad or worse,they might as well label themselves Utusan Umno and Berita Umno-other than that the intellectual content is less than 10%.

Im afraid that the Malays are not being projected correctly because the mainstream newspapers are either too concern about protecting their political or have their own hidden agenda (the Star). I do believe most Malaysians are disgusted with the print media,but the only alternative is the electronic media( i mean the internet) which is more free ( too free ? ) but not widely read enough, at least the reader can get different views. One thing for certain most Malaysians agree is that the country is going thru a very significant phase of Nation bulding.

This is where the role of the Media becomes important, to educate the public that all of us wants peace,wants accountability and that each of us should respect differing views,without giving the impression that ones view is superior to the others. Therefore news should be reported objectively and all views should be allowed equall space and time. If Sisters in Islam can be given space to air their view ( n projected positively-liberal etc) then views of muslimah must be projected positively too-but more often than not the Islamic point of view is always potrayed in a very negative way ( conservative,narrow world view etc). There are weaknesses in the way Islamic law is carried out in this country,the problem is not Islamic Law,but the implementors and the weaknesses in the system.

Im not doing justice to this discussion, it actually deserves more time and lenghty writings to discuss how the media can be a very positive tool for nation building. i pray and hope that the current young writers( and future leaders ) of all races in Malaysia will be able to find a way to work towards building a responsible and objective media vis a vis a truly Malaysian Malaysia.

Selamat menyambut hari kemerdekaan !! and to my muslims brothers and sisters selamat mengerjakan ibadah berpuasa in the coming ramadhan.

Salams...

Relationship part 2...

i have had many experiences in my life,sometimes these experiences makes me feel that i have come a long way in understanding this life,the emotions involved,people,relationships,our purpose in this world...but then again i realize, i really dont know much ! U know life is like a roller coaster, one day you are way up there and b4 you know youre right down there. my best years financially 98-2000 were also my worse years personally. spritually i was really "bad" !! My ego was at its worse ( i had bosses who taught me that the only way to get things done was to be mean ), i thought i was smart or at least smarter than most, i was paid the highest amongs my peers. My subordinates were either really afraid of me or pretended to be afraid,most i think hated me-i use to scream and throw tantrums( bcos it was the culture) and anything my hands could get to. Less than three years in the so called "blue eyed corporate group" of those years, i was given a company to run. iI was moving upwards and fast in these organisations and manage to turn around two companies and managed to even get one of these companies listed. but i always felt empty, i was loosing myself,my friends and more importantly my family...i didnt really have true good friends, i had many aquaintances and a lot of people around me that were there because i had something to offer or i presented a threat to the position that they were holding or i presented them an oppurtunity to get close to the so called corporate captains at that time...when i think about it i really didnt like the person i was then.



So i left the group in the year 2000 and tried to be on my own. Financially those were really lean years. But those years in the corporate world did train me to be a fighter,to never give up. I also had more time to do a lot of soul searching. When you dont have money and position then you get to know people who really are you friends-which is not many. you also get to know yourself better-your limits,what you really want and somehow look at things in a different perspective...you learn that life is a process and that you never really stop learning. you refocus,reevaluate and rediscover your self. More than anything in this world i wanted contentment,peace and feel good ( happy ) and good companionship. Books were my first love, i discovered at an early age that i could read a good book and move into another world,the subject matter did not really matter-as long as it was interesthing ( to me at least ) They were my friend then and they still are today and i still spend a lot on books today as i did when i was in the group.

Where is all this leading to...tak tau la. But i do want to tell this story,what happen yesterday. Ive seen a lot,but yesterday was something else. I got to know these ladies recently,less than a few months,and we were discussing ways to do business as they were in the FnB business and needed some help that was related to my line-design and construction ( although its not what i do now,i do hv some experience and knowledge)

After a lenghthy discussion on the proposed site ( they have a restaurant that they want to renovate ) one of them call me and said she needed to meet me later as there was an urgent matter. To cut the story short-she ask me for a loan and told me that all their accounts are frozen due to some technicallity-kind of hard to believe,both driving expensive cars,dress well and well educated. The amount they ask was small ( because she told me it was for the two of them as they had to fly somewhere the next day,tickets dah ada just needed some cash for the day trip to east malaysia,i think...?

She said they will pay me in a month-but how do you operate a restaurant if you cant even have or dnt have cash ? They said if they dont have the money they would have to cancell the trip and it will cause losses to their business. normally i wouldnt have mind,but recently a lot of "friends" have not being paying loans wth sob2 stories-total amount thus far about 20k. Some as long as 5 years-i consider it gone...

so am i a fool ? or too soft for business ? or people see me as someone that can be easily taken advantage of ? Theres more to this,both these ladies are also divorced,...people say im too close to them, i dont think so bacause i dont think you should be judge on your marital status, u know the stigma...so what do you do,just walk away because they are divorced ,well i dont know....ah the complexity of relationships !!!

Friend or fiend ?

There are times in your life when you feel like giving up on helping people. We are not suppose to expect people to return good deeds with good deeds or whatever rewards,suffice for us to do it sincerely and Godwilling the rewards will come in the here after, in this materialistic physical world the idea of helping people in need will /is/ in itself a reward because you get this nice feeling after helping people in need.

But my recent experience has been a sad one. about two years ago this so call friend of mine turn up at my office asking for assistance-he was jobless was in a financial mess and needed help. After a few round of discussion i offered him a position in my company that allowed him some degree of freedom( meaning he is not subjected to regular working hrs) ,a monthly income of about 5k which is earn through the jobs that i get by using his experience/CV. He could not get jobs on his own although he is very experienced,somehow working wth me changed that,jobs were pouring in thru my company some wth his CV being used. As clients dont pay immediately or regularly, i paid him monthly to ensure a steady monthly income. Some of the jobs in which he is to do on his own-he keep the fees. So what he got was monthly income for jobs using my companys name and what he got on his own but still under the banner of my business we take a minimum sum 10-20%.

By my calculationshe easily made about 150k and still had a fix salary of 5k per month,in total 60k pr year or 120k plus 150k thats 270k !! and yet after two years he tells people that i under pay him thus he left the company recently,taking away his jobs that was earned under the banner of the company. To add insult to injury he refuse to complete the work that he has agreed to do for us and demands that he be paid to complete those work although when he did not have a job nor brought money to the company he was still being paid.

How do we explain this guys behaviour ? One word-GREED ! Once he thought he can survive on his own he felt that the percentage that was given to the company was to high and he could earn more on his own. This was a guy who two years ago had lawyers and bankers chasing him all over town,he could nor even pay for his car and house ( both were sold or were taken over by the banks ) and now tells me to pay him more if he were to complete the work that he was contractually expected to. This is a guy who has earned 270k without contributing a single sen to the companys expenses and whose expenses was covered to the last sen in terms of mileage and hotel expenses etc.

Do i feel like killing him ? YES ! initially, then after prayers you tend to calm down and .... i wont stoop to his level, insyaAllah the truth always will prevail. I dont hold any grudges against him but im quite happy if we never cross path again in this life, in the next we will both be judged by the ultimate judge and will be rewarded or punish accordingly. Revenge and anger only erodes ones spritual self so i leave it to God...

God knows best...

Relationships...n opinion

Relationships are never easy. This is especially so when you set certain standards and have certain expectations from that relationship. this expectation or your "world view" is formed from your own life experiences-the relationship you have with your parents,friends-the books that you read, the friends that you have especially during the formative years of adulthood-from about 12-20. from my own experience i find those that go to college/boarding school early ( form 1) have a basic different world view/attitude/ than those who went at form 4. Those who went earlier tend to be much closer to their peers than their parents and family. They tend to be a lil detached with "Family" matters and have problems with people outside their circle. Those that did not go to boarding school are also different/have quite different view of things...Although most wont admit it.



A closely knit family also creates a more conducive environment for these 12-20s, if the parents and siblings are loving and open, chances are the individual would have similar traits. Of course this is not an end all diagnosis-but look at the friends around you and chances after sometime you would be able to tell where they come from-school,family,state etc. and corelate this to their personality. Once you recognise and accept this fact than relationships would be a little easier to handle.



My parents and a lot of the older generation parents were "match make"-my dad was 22 and mom was 16 when they got married-but their marriage has last more than 60 years ! ( they are now 85 and 79 respectively ) The wisdom of their parents were to match these couples on "similarities" and falling in love would follow naturally. Today, this would not be acceptable because this generation has been tuned to accept the fact that you must fall in love first before marriage. Falling in love instantly ( love at first sight ) is a myth created in the movies and by authors such as mills and Boone, attraction at first sight,followed by lust is more often than not the case. Maybe, just maybe there are instances where love at first sight do happen but the probability of this happening must be 1 in a million ! True love is a process, the realisation might hit you wham ! for instance amongst friends that you never imagined in million years would be your spouse...

Well what explanation then do we have for infidelity and people having extra marital affairs. There are many reasons but one of the most common one would be when the relationship has lost the spark...the reasons for leaving is stronger than staying and sparks fly with another person. Its not just a male thing,although the occurrence is more with the male species. i know a lot of female friends who are going through affairs because their relationship with their husbands are at zero level-they don't talk.no sexual relationship and they don't even sleep in the same bedroom.

These people are not nasty or mean people,most are decent, have good jobs, good family background, nice children, good educational background, but what when wrong ? one reason is communication or the lack of it, one start sulking not talking the other to proud to restart or try,so they stop talking and this goes on and after sometime they are like total strangers...so there must be compromise and for a healthy and thriving relationship ego between the two must be zero. To blame time away from the spouse and family because of work is not acceptable,away physically does not mean non involvement. being involved and being part of the other persons life is very important,involved in making important decisions together-but not at the expense of personal space and overbearingness...(?)

There are many couples who have spend much of their life's separated because of their career but have a very loving and meaningful relationship. Its not ideal, and can be very difficult...but it can work, if there is communication,commitment, compromise and involvement the togetherness...Actually this should be easier nowadays with the invention of the hand phone and the Internet,there are many that have got together because of the net and have sustained their relationship this way. But on the other hand it is also use to abuse...

Money, that can be a strong reason too,many men feel threaten when they earn less than their spouse,initially love conquers all, but his self worth ( as a man) is question by the family,friends and especially the wife who initially could accept it but after many2 years of innuendos by friends... etc than the trouble begins. Sometimes the wife is really OK,but the man esp with low self esteem will start imagining all sorts of thing...

One of the most important thing in a relationship is also our relationship with Allah swt. Absolute love ,faith and obedience without seeing but knowing always that we are seen and every single thought of ours is known...this requires more elaborate explanation and time...

Theres much more about relationships,suffice for now...cause Ive got to take care of mine too...Salams !