Relationships...n opinion

Relationships are never easy. This is especially so when you set certain standards and have certain expectations from that relationship. this expectation or your "world view" is formed from your own life experiences-the relationship you have with your parents,friends-the books that you read, the friends that you have especially during the formative years of adulthood-from about 12-20. from my own experience i find those that go to college/boarding school early ( form 1) have a basic different world view/attitude/ than those who went at form 4. Those who went earlier tend to be much closer to their peers than their parents and family. They tend to be a lil detached with "Family" matters and have problems with people outside their circle. Those that did not go to boarding school are also different/have quite different view of things...Although most wont admit it.



A closely knit family also creates a more conducive environment for these 12-20s, if the parents and siblings are loving and open, chances are the individual would have similar traits. Of course this is not an end all diagnosis-but look at the friends around you and chances after sometime you would be able to tell where they come from-school,family,state etc. and corelate this to their personality. Once you recognise and accept this fact than relationships would be a little easier to handle.



My parents and a lot of the older generation parents were "match make"-my dad was 22 and mom was 16 when they got married-but their marriage has last more than 60 years ! ( they are now 85 and 79 respectively ) The wisdom of their parents were to match these couples on "similarities" and falling in love would follow naturally. Today, this would not be acceptable because this generation has been tuned to accept the fact that you must fall in love first before marriage. Falling in love instantly ( love at first sight ) is a myth created in the movies and by authors such as mills and Boone, attraction at first sight,followed by lust is more often than not the case. Maybe, just maybe there are instances where love at first sight do happen but the probability of this happening must be 1 in a million ! True love is a process, the realisation might hit you wham ! for instance amongst friends that you never imagined in million years would be your spouse...

Well what explanation then do we have for infidelity and people having extra marital affairs. There are many reasons but one of the most common one would be when the relationship has lost the spark...the reasons for leaving is stronger than staying and sparks fly with another person. Its not just a male thing,although the occurrence is more with the male species. i know a lot of female friends who are going through affairs because their relationship with their husbands are at zero level-they don't talk.no sexual relationship and they don't even sleep in the same bedroom.

These people are not nasty or mean people,most are decent, have good jobs, good family background, nice children, good educational background, but what when wrong ? one reason is communication or the lack of it, one start sulking not talking the other to proud to restart or try,so they stop talking and this goes on and after sometime they are like total strangers...so there must be compromise and for a healthy and thriving relationship ego between the two must be zero. To blame time away from the spouse and family because of work is not acceptable,away physically does not mean non involvement. being involved and being part of the other persons life is very important,involved in making important decisions together-but not at the expense of personal space and overbearingness...(?)

There are many couples who have spend much of their life's separated because of their career but have a very loving and meaningful relationship. Its not ideal, and can be very difficult...but it can work, if there is communication,commitment, compromise and involvement the togetherness...Actually this should be easier nowadays with the invention of the hand phone and the Internet,there are many that have got together because of the net and have sustained their relationship this way. But on the other hand it is also use to abuse...

Money, that can be a strong reason too,many men feel threaten when they earn less than their spouse,initially love conquers all, but his self worth ( as a man) is question by the family,friends and especially the wife who initially could accept it but after many2 years of innuendos by friends... etc than the trouble begins. Sometimes the wife is really OK,but the man esp with low self esteem will start imagining all sorts of thing...

One of the most important thing in a relationship is also our relationship with Allah swt. Absolute love ,faith and obedience without seeing but knowing always that we are seen and every single thought of ours is known...this requires more elaborate explanation and time...

Theres much more about relationships,suffice for now...cause Ive got to take care of mine too...Salams !