a reason,a season,a lifetime...

...someone comes into your life for a reason,a season or a lifetime,heard this beautiful phrase somewhere before,...this will be the basis/framework for my comments or its just for a lack of an idea on a proper title...

Polygamy is an issue that has been discussed for long-long time,there have been many views on this by many "experts" ( if there is one anyway ) giving the pros and cons on this. My brother and sister in law are both in a polygamous marriage,and i have some friends who are too. From this "collection" of samples,the results are skewed towards the negative,though there are instances of positive ones.( if my writing sounds v research like,its because I'm multi tasking right now( polygamous work...he...he).

From the Islamic point of view,polygamy is allowed,but not encouraged.( Surah 4 Anissa[3]...marry women of your choice,two or,three or ,four;but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly,then only one...)-The prophet,s.a.w. only practised polygamy after the death of Khatijah. "Justly" is not an easy concept to practise, especially from the emotional point of view. In our current environment most people cant even handle a monogamous marriage,the statistics on divorce and abuse of the Islamic law speaks for itself.

The reason for this is mainly because most people(Muslims) would use Islam only for the ceremonial aspects of the marriage but not the "spiritual" aspects of Islam in the marriage.Values such as fairness,transparency,honesty,empathy,respect,attention and yes even love-is only apparent before marriage,not during and especially so when there is another "interest"-another women. Women who enter a polygamous marriage must accept the fact that she is in a shared environment-most women cant accept this,most man can(obviously) but most ( man and women ) forget the "spiritual side" responsibility.

For the most romantics,polygamy,as an idea is repulsive-isn't love n marriage, is about being with the person you love for the rest of your life ? ( Swans have only partner in a lifetime-its their fitrah,Black widow spiders on the other hand have many partners-though they all die after a good round of sex[ only reason] !) What then is humans fitrah ? For most men its normal to be attracted to other women ( mainly sexual not necessarily only for ),that's the reason for having women as an attraction in "advertising" strategies-imagine men as umbrella "girls" for F1...he...he.... most women on the other hand are single partner creatures-once married,they are not interested(nor attracted) to other men,except for the casual interest in hunks such as George Clooney,Amitabh Bachan,-or whoso ever attracts their imagination or their idea of a strong masculine alpha male or some romantic figure-but that's it, it doesn't go beyond that( i think ) -my wife loves Amitabh anyway.They don't desire these people nor fantasize about these people ( hmm...not so sure mah). Men on the other hand "love" Paris Hilton and I'm 100% sure its not for her intelligence ! The point I'm trying to make here is that in a relationship Men and Women look for different things. ( This is a very generalised statement ,just for the sake of context in this writing ).

Therein lies the beauty of Islam,polygamy,is allowed in Islam,because its in man's nature ( fitrah ) to be polygamous.But its not a free for all escape clause,which unfortunately,is being used by most Muslim men.Amongst the ( common ) reasons used by men are 1.first wife cant have kids 2.loveless marriage 3.entitlement-its his right 4.unusual sexual appetite 5.can afford it and so on...whatever the reasons,most failed because from day one-the reasons have been wrong.( this needs another paper to explain ) suffice to say at this point, that reference to the spirit of love n marriage in an Islamic perspective is not adhered to;because that's the way it is nowadays. Islam is not only for birth,marriage or death, its also for love,marriage,relationships,the way we live,in this lifetime, so that we will know the way-when we die in the next lifetime. God knows best.