This Garden Is Illegal: What Kind of Flower Are You Quiz

This Garden Is Illegal: What Kind of Flower Are You Quiz: " I am a
Canna

What Flower
Are You?
"

still around...

...there was a monitor for my heart,for my breathing,blood pressure-these lines were going up and down and i notice that when i hold my breath the line would remain straight ( the one that monitors my breathing ) and the other lines would go crazy ! I was bored and i hate hospitals, especially in the CCU,theres no television,i cant read books ( my hands have these tubes which is connected to my finger tips etc ), there dont allow me to leave the bed-i was going crazy ! So i held my breath as long as i could and the monitors when crazy-nurses come running into the cubicle and was a lil confused with what happened, i of course pretended to sleep. That was the excitement for the night for me...

The next day i told the cardiologist that if they dont take me out of this place i will really go crazy and they probably wld have to put me in a psychiatric ward ! Ihad to go through a couple more test and was discharged later in the day. Ive been going through various test including a stress test recently and the physician said that im fine but have to take some medication for precaution. He cant really say what was the cause of the fainting spells ( have not since then ) and said that the probable cause is stress ( that because of the tired body during certain time of the day blood doesnt reach my brains...

Well one thing for sure i need to exercise more ( which ive not done ).work less ( which is impossible) and relax more( m trying ). Actually,inyaallah as a Muslim-one should not be stressed as everything comes from Allah swt-but i guess my level of keimanan accepts that but its not translated into the physical body/being,meaning ive still got a long way to go be the "calm" person that i should...

Alhamdoolillah, in general,im feeling better,but i also know that some things have change and somehow those fainting spells have had an effect on me. Doesnt really matter, life is too short to dwell on the past, the best approach is to look forward towards the next day and...

Is There a Right Time...?

The events in the last few weeks have been eye opening to say the least. In the early part of Ramadhan,about the second week I was hit by fainting spells,blackouts that last between 10-20 seconds. Of course, i dont know what happened during those blackouts but i was told by my youngest son,Imraan, who happened to be around on all four occasions that papa just crumble to the ground-luckily for me three of those occasions were inside the house and one was just outside the front door. On the fourth occasion i actually hit my head to the floor first and when i was concious felt like someone had hit my head with a baseball bat ( of course if that had happened i would not be writing now...) So the next day I went straight to see a specialist/physician and spend half the day there going through test after test-blood,x ray,scan and was immediately ordered to the CCU,because my blood test showed that i had certain enzymes which will only be present if theres something wrong with my heart.

I was "surprised" by the preliminary findings but suprisingly cool about the whole thing, my wife and children was more affacted by this whole episode-you know me, in CCU ( Coronary Care Unit ) with all the wire attached to my body to monitor my heart i was also supplied oxygen to help me breath so that my heart could rest ! So u can imagine the scene,the rest of the patients were those who just had bypass or a heart attack-the scene was very depressing.

For your information I have never been hospitalised for a single day in a hospital-i was born at home ( so my mom told me ),was never sick as a child (666 !) and was even circumsised at home ! So then suddenly i was spending this night alone at the hospital and watching being zoom in and out of the OT ( at the CCU the rooms hv glasses so that the can monitor u )-for the first time in my life i am forced to lie down in bed and do nothing but rest and sleep. But the human mind is a wonderful thing, i didnt want to sleep and rest-i wanted to think-for all the sedative they gave me, i couldnt sleep-but i had the whole night to my self to think and ponder about...death,which is all around me. Is there a right time to die ? Do i want to die ? Have i done my responsiblity to my creator and done enough good deeds on this earth ? Thousand and one questions and thoughts,but the thing is i was not stress or upset, infact come to think of it i was very calm,until i begin to understand the monitors that was beside me...

Its that time of the year again, a time to reflect and ponder and wonder how far we have gone towards reaching our goal in totally submitting ourselves to the will of Allah swt. The year has gone by so fast and before you know it,insyaAllah we will be experiencing another Ramadhan. I have mix feelings this year especially, because many things have happened, some for the better and some not so good...

Since coming back from Haj in 2005/2006, ive gone for Umrah twice once in July 2006 and again recently in May 2007. I feel very fortunate and thankful to have been given this oppurtunity by Allah swt. On the other hand I m also very sad and upset with the situation that im in. Im still bogged down with work and have very little time to do fav things like reading and writing etc...then even my solat is not satisfactory,i know it and i can feel it. Whats more alarming is that i feel that my level of keimanan is deteriorating when i benchmark it against the first time i comeback from Haj. Its normal to have your faith ( degree of it ) flactuate during periods of time but its worrying knowing that its happening and you cant do much to stop the slide. Its also a test by Allah swt-i hope Allah swt will protect and continously guide me and not leave me...

Ramadhan somehow recharges me and my faith. I love the terawih prayers as it makes me feel part of a larger muslim community/ummah. With a hungry tummy and a desire to make the most of Ramadhan the prayers becomes better and better,insyaAllah. Unfortunately for us in Selangor,the state MB has decided that there will be no tazkirah during the break for Terawih prayers.( its our Prophets saw tradition to have a break and teraweh prayers is to be done at a relax pace not like an express train speed so that we can complete 20 rakaat )This is so unfortunate, because its during the tazkirah that we get to understand the Quran better through tafsiran by ulamaks and hafiz, else for people who dont understand Arabic the reading of a whole Quran during this month becomes just that reading-no comprehension no understanding of God's words-warnings,lessons,laws etc.



...unfortunately for my jemaah/qariah and me our Surau in Sek 8 has also been closed by JAIS. ( yesterday after Asar-indefinitely-imagine that Ramadhan is two days away ! ) This is another long and sad story,but suffice to say that the present Government or some of the people in it are people who dont take kindly to criticism. Which brings me to my earlier point-the degree of iman is sliding because you live in an environment that is very antigonistic towards Islam. You are either with them or against them attitude ( same attitude of the Bush administration) makes life very difficult for the average Muslims. The recent events in our beloved country has also made me very angry and sad ( Negarakuku, Riots in Terengganu, Pigs in Malacca ) I feel that Muslims ( in particular Malay Muslims )in this country are slowly but surely loosing their identity and self believe. They are told that to be true Muslims you must follow the mould that the Government has set. Not Al Quran and Al-Hadith.Well this is another area that needs a long and detail analysis...

Ive diverted from the original aim of writing about Ramadhan, although its not totally unconnected...Anyways,have a good Ramadhan and may Allah swt guide us to the straight and correct path and protect us from evil and hellfire.Ameen.

MERDEKA>>>

Salams,its been so long since Ive last written,its been crazy,well whats new its been like that especially this year. I thought it could not get any worse but it has. When I was in college i thought that once i start my working life i would have more time to do things, that are more relaxing and not feel so stress. ( I still have nightmares about failing my math paper and not being able to pursue my degree and coming back in shame...crazy its more than 20 years ago but i still have those dreams...
And here I am at my office at 745pm taking a break because my brains are just too tired too concentrate about wrk. Ive analyse and reanalyse why i cant have more time to myself instead im a slave to my work. I dont know the answer but i do know that this cannot go on. Ive tried to talk to friends and family but the answer is all too common. Basically the choice is mine,they say...but its not as simple as that.
Anyways that would take too much time to write...
I would just like to say that 1. Im proud of my country 2.I happy that Malaysia won the semi final last nite. 3 I hope i would be able to find the time to write more...

money n power the root of it all...

Betrayed,thats how i felt today. Never thought that a close friend would actually stab you in the back,its crazy enough to becareful with your competitors but when the competitor is a friend you dont expect that.

Emails,phone calls,smss are not returned-all i want is clarification,but no she has chosen the silent mode ! Its important in life that you dont have bad thoughts about people,because negative thots creates more negative thots and the consquences is a lot of "bad feelings kind of environment".Tapi takpalah no need to dwell in all this negativity, as i said to this "friend" of mine ( thru sms ) the world is a cycle,what goes around comes around-do good and good things will happen,do bad things and just wait...

But i forgive her, else im just as bad...

Whats the source of this betrayal ? Well,recently when i meet "people"/fellow businessmen-they have been saying things like..ya la you sibok banyak kerja...you seem to be getting all the jobs...etc...the kind of things which is very irritating to hear because you want jobs youve got to work hard,deliver and hope n pray that the almighty continues your rezk

They think "knowing who" is enough even if they dont know how ! There are people who would be supportive of you only if youre lesser than them then if youre better of thats when trouble starts. They dont bother me, but when the backbiting starts...

The cause,its all about money...

AArgh...

does scribling and jotting ideas on a piece of paper or actually listing things that you want to do/need to do assist you in multi tasking ? Mind Mapping ? whats the best way to "organize" your thoughts?

I think it depends on the complexities of the task,simple straight forward problems can be organised linearly whereas the ones that link to one another needs the more than one dimension diagrams..? there are times however the simple one are connected to the more complex ones and v.versa,well cant show it diagramatically here...see because of the medium

talking on the handphone,writing/typing ? on the note book and reading a report thats due in one hour-whats the solution on this. Is Multi tasking doing many things at one time or doing many things at different times but in a limited time frame say within 2hours-that include lunch...

trying to figure out what i just wrote...

Re-focus

Ive been sick for the past few days-really sick-was throwing up and couldnt eat anything. The situation was so bad that i thought that my end was near ! Its during these kind of times that you wish you had live life a bit differently-which had spend more time praying,more time with your loved ones etc...no one im sure on their deathbed would say i wish i had spend more time at work...

So when i went to the office today,after not going for the past four days ! i found that half my staff are going for interviews for government jobs,as we are all aware the government has now better perks than the private sector,especially for entry level and those who are just starting out in their careers. Sometime last year i wanted to quit the business because at that moment i had some savings and even if i didnt get any new jobs, i would be able to survive a couple of years,but then against my better judgement,i decided to continue as i felt responsible towards my staff-i have ten of them-who r married,have kids,car/housing loans etc. But they wouldnt blink an eye in leaving me for greener pastures...but you cant really blame them as a person would do whats best for them.

Therefore i have to refocus too,because to start with a fresh bunch is too taxing,it will at least a year for they have the minimal ability to work within a consultancy environment and that too if they have the right attitude...

Time and how to manage it.

Its been a long,long time since ive written,works it seems is endless,it makes you crazy but you have to do it to survive or else how do you feed the family. I wish there could be more time but you have to make time they say...All i can say is that i dont wish to be working like this for too long,i really wold love to spend more time with the family,more time reading and reflecting,but its not easy. Im quite organised actually-its just that ive got to learn to let go n delegate more, The nature of my business however does not allow me to do that,clients still wants to see me more than my senior staff. Ive got to figurethis out...

TGIF

Its Friday,yes thank God its Friday ! Friday is always special and today its a little bit more special because next week i'll be going to Saudi Arabia for some business purposes-and hopefully,insyaAllah to do my Umrah ! Its been hectic the last few months,a culmination of work,personal responsiblities and professional commitments. Because of the work load my time at the surau has been getting less and less. I feel sad actually but sometimes meetings and work carry over towards magrhib...by the time i get out of office im totally zonk. But i realize that this is not good for me on the spiritual side. I guess its something that you have to work with. Iman is not a constant ! Abt my trip to Saudi it has been changed three times, the dates ! Just to accomodate the VIP's ,im pissed ! I know im not suppose to be,but its difficult to make plans if the dates keep on changing. The trip which is suppose to take place in April has changed because so many times...
Friday thus makes you think more about Allah swt than normal days and there r many sources that testify to this. So we should make the effort to muhasabah ourselves on this day,what we have accomplished in the last few days of the previous week etc. Ive got to decide on my business,where r we going what needs to be done,how long should we stay in this business as the cost of staying in business is rather high ! But its also ibadah as we provide rezeki to others of course Gods rezk,we r just the channel. Anyways...time to get to work!!!

The need to write...

Sometimes, i wonder why there are so many people using the "blog" to pour their heart out,their thoughts and innermost emotions. I think people in general have this need to tell others,to tell a story,to share but in todays volatile world,people are too busy with their daily life...for them just to sit down and have a chat with each other. The other problem is to find the right person to talk to. I guess creative people (like writers) end up being great story tellers,by writing a book,producing a movie,witing a play etc,others have great stories to tell to but end up just keeping it in them...sigh

R writers then lonely people or they choose to be private in person but expressive in writing. Or is it a little of both...

Searching for the creator...

I met an excellent speaker ( preacher ) last night. His story is truly amazing and it strenghten my believe that if you truly set your mind in search of the creator-almighty God will help and assist you in finding him. This man is highly successful in his career,has a good family and throughout his life never had to face insurmountable problems...yet he feels empty because his heart was seaching for his creator. The ultimate reason for living. His longing was answered in many subtle ways-for God was providing him with clues-clues which later made sense when he finally submitted to the will of Allah swt. There is a lot more details in this amazing story but i dont have the "expertise" to actually tell it all here. But there a few common occurences in this story as with other stories of people searching for the truth amongst them are 1. You have to be sincere with yourself-youre doing this because there is a voice in you that is not satisfied until you have found the truth. 2.Your journey of discovery is not easy it is littered with challenges and pitfalls 3. You have to read,discuss and continously meet with people of different religion and faith. 4.You must not form conclusiond from limited information nor have prejudices, but most of all you must ask God to help and guide u. Godwilling you find your creator and he will let you find him.

Future World Cup Winners.

I love children and watching them grow up is one of the better things in life. I have been following the under 12 soccer tournament for the last twelve months and i'm impress with the character of all the teams participating in this tournament, they play hard,compete well and show a high degree of sportsmanship. The comradship ( sp) is also excellent and i must compliment the teachers for playing their part in making the whole event a success. The playing standard is also excellent for 12year olds. The finals is on Wednesday and im looking forward to it, i hope the children will play their hearts out and do themselves proud. I remember how i felt as a child the sheer joy of winning and the pain of losing. Its a special feeling and its part of character building-you learn to accept defeat but you know the estacy of winning-and of scoring that winning goal.

Too much to do...

They say you have to be organized in order to manage your own company or even manage your life. But how organised should or could you be if you dont get the support that you need from your staff,its impossible to do everything by yourself. Therefore you should ( they say )delegate but some times when you delegate it never gets done the way you want it done. Its possible that im not managing my staff properly,not giving them proper guidance and training. Its also possible that these people are not so committed because they dont feel that they belong that its just a temporary place,a place to earn some wages not a place to built a career !! On the other hand maybe my expectations are just too high,well here i am working on a Sunday afternoon so that i will be better prepared for the coming week...but none of my staff are around despite having datelines to clients just around the corner. Life should be simpler...

How to communicate...lets talk..without walls.

Humans are indeed strange creatures. They never intentionally hurt others,well according to most people anyway,but more often than not they do. This usually occurs in a situation where a person feels ( not necessarily true ) that they are on the defensive and therefore have to be on the offensive in order to "show"/tell others that they are right. Its the human/man's defensive sytem if you like, for to not have any ego is to be seen to be vurnarable or weak...but you should not try to hurt others or try not to hurt others on purpose.Confusing la my sentence...

Anyway i see a lot of this happening in meetings,discussions or even in informal forums of a group of people. Why does this occur ? When a group of people gather or interact,even as small as two,certain emotions come into play. if you are close to that person than these emotions are non existent or at a minimal harmless level.



The wider the gap ( superior-subordinate,teacher-student ) the more complex the emotions involve-fear,insecurity,self esteem or lack of it. The gap could also be a result of a different level of mastery of a language(between 2 teachers-same profession but communicates well in different languages),different level of education (same position but..),experience and background ( Kampong boy, Broken Family,few siblings,large family).



The point is that communication skills is not easy. Its exactly that SKILLS and if everyone can improve on their communication skills it would be a good initial step towards improving human relationships. Some people communicate better when they write but this needs a totally different approach/analysis. What we are trying to analyse here is the face to face verbal communication. Most of the time i get along fine with most people,but sometimes its mission impossible,its as if we are from two different worlds. But there are other times it could be the same person ( that normally we communicate well ) that because of "circumstances" we just cant talk and even end up fighthing. Theres more to this but its just not easy to communicate when youre rushing to do things so till next...

Hey i now know how to post pictures ...enjoy this one...its found near my kampong in Perak. The idea is to get people to close the gate on the way down to the river as to stop cows and goats and small children from getting into the river/grazing area/kampong or the other way around ! i Think...!

soccer and life...

Its Friday today and i nearly miss friday prayers as i dont feel well-body aches all over especially my back,could be the result of the recent travelling,sleeping in unfamiliar places and change of routine. Arrived very early in the morning but did not manage to to go to the office as i really wanted to see Imraan play soccer,and play he did ! Unfortunately for him his school team lost 1-0 for the zone finals,but they should not be dishearthen(sp) as i thought that they played well compared to last year. They are learning the proper way of passing,stopping and controlling the ball. I feel for those kids and can feel their disappoinment but they should learn to accept defeat as part and parcel of life n they did win their group games and the semi-finals. I hope i can continue to be part of their setup without upsetting their actual coach-whose intentions are noble but whose methods are questionable. He treats them too harshly i think and the kids becomes confused and loses confidence,his method is more suitable for full time footballers not 12 year olds. ive tried to hint to him but its not easy when someone is used to doing things the same way. Last year the team did not win a single game ! This year they have won 5 and loss only in the finals that is almost a complete turn around for a team that got beaten more than 3 goals per game last year.
Anyway when we presented our project yesterday the architect was very serious but at the end of the presentation he made an excellent exit with a touch of humour ! The stadium scoreboard showed "Kelantan 3 Chelsea 0"! I thought it was an excellent idea fron his side and actually set the tone for a more friendly discussion. So the lesson in a presentation is to create a situation where everyone is at ease and have a common ground for agreement at least in some areas. Actually would love to write more about the project but its still too early and somethings are kind of sensitive so...maybe latter.
I need a break, too much work and its taking its toll on my body and even my spritual side-going less to the surau and concentration level going down. Actually prayers is good and acts a break to the the daily hecticness (sp) and craziness that we have to face daily but sometimes the worldly matters becomes so overwhelming that your mind and thoughts becomes so conflicting because you spend time in the presence of people whose thoughts are almost 100% work and how to make more money. So the crowd you mix with do influence your state of being,thus being in the surau and being with people whose love for God occupies their mind makes you feel calm and serene as well. So whats the right mix ? Your iman must be strong and you must not forget your creator and thats the question that all of us must answer-to find the right mix for success in this world and the hereafter ! God knows best.

Its 5.10pm and Im writing from my office desk,have been around the last few days it started with a trip to Kelantan on Thursday,Friday was in Pontian, Johor n was on the way to Penang and Alor Star on Saturday and was working Sunday in Alor Star !! Dont even know or was not sure what day today is ! Visited several interesting sites today and of course to my fav site. Sometimes I think being on the net and visiting blogs can be very addictive,your mind is contantly travelling and you dont really want to stop,theres so much to see and do and read that you dont feel like stopping...but reality check-theres a thousand and one things to do and responsiblities that has to be carried out.
But i need to discuss on "managing people" because lately im having problems managing my staff. They seem not to understand what Im trying to convey to them because the end result is always different from what i have instructed to them earlier. Maybe its a communication problem,we dont speak the "same" language ? I think in English and talk to myself in English even my prayers are in English ! i feel that im more true when i speak a language that im comfortable with. When they dont undertsand me its difficult to progress at the speed that is required because doing things fast and accurately is important in the consultancy line. Ive always sat down wth them and explain and guide them but still the end results have been less than satisfactory. Its more than just a language and communication problem,its got to do with attitude as well, its a complex subject n i actually would like to discuss it more detail but maybe next time...
I would like to explore a lil more about blogging as well, as i feel i dont really understand all the "intracacies" (sp) involved.

grammar,spelling, definitely not my forte ! Please read in between the lines ,is that the right phrase ? Basically what i mean is ignore these things ie grammar etc but get the story,the message...haiya...

Feeling spritual today and manage to read the best book in the whole world/universe today ! Its not written by mankind and its message is however for all creation until the end of time. Its really amazing that i have finish reading this book about five times and yet i discover new things in it all the time. Its truly a miracle. Im determine to finish reading the book at least once a year this time around however it is taking longer than usual as i wanted to finish it in the holy month of Ramadhan !. No worries though, like everything that happens in this world,it happens for a reason-which sometimes we can understand but sometimes it takes a while to make sense.Its however important not to lose sight of our ultimate goal-ie to understand the reason why we are here so that we will absolutely submit "our all" to our maker. Sounds simplekan.
But in its simplicity lies the problem,because of man's ego his pride and desires ( which is a neccessity for the survival of his species-in the right dose i.e) he loses to the ultimate whisperer. The test that we go through is not in the scale of the Moses or Abraham but its there all the time. Think about the moments in your day before you sleep and you will realise the extent of your success or failure. Its Azan,do you go straight to do your prayers or do u wait a while n then miss your prayers completely because of work-so which is more important work or your creator...

one of the practical trainee in my office came to me and ask why do i like to scream ! i was caught by surprise by this question. No one have actually dared to ask me this question before and here was this nineteen year old asking me,well i was trying to explain to her that i m very passionate abt my work that when things dont turn out right i get very upset not at anyone in particular just at "everything" ! I know it sounds very immature but its the way im used to doing things. i admit its not the best nor right way of doing things but im trying to be less of a screamer when it comes to work. The truth is im actually tired of work,work,work...at my age theres many other things that i rather do but we all have to make a living right ? Maybe its the nature of the Industry that im involved as well, clients dont want "replacement" they want me to appear for presentations,meetings etc so im left with very little time to go through what my staff has done and therefore risk giving substandard work to my clients...so when substandard work reaches my table thats when the screaming begins. But Im learning to slowdown be a lil more relax...

Its kinda of late for me to be still in the office but ive just finish reading a friends blog and i must say that this friend is an extremely entertaining writer. Reading her stories makes me realise that a good writer has the ability to make the reader feel/experience the same emotions that the writer is/has gone thru or wants the reader to experience. i feel that im no where near the standards that this friend has reached, although i know that the ability to write is a talent that not everyone possess. I hope to have the confidence to let my dear friend read my blog...soon. For now reading her stories and post on her blog is a good an enriching experience-its a very mature an intelligent mind ( witty,funny,,etc) thats creating these writings/stories/experience. I hope to be able to learn to write as well as she does.

Lets see,why did i choose "somewhere in there...' as the title of this blog of mine ? Its instinctive but not very creative i guess. I needed space to just write and tell someone and or no one actually, of what is in me. There are times when you feel the need to tell someone how you feel and think, its more like to talking to yourself actually,but maybe hoping that theres someone out there who would understand or are in similiar situations. E-mail would be a good option but sometimes friends are too busy or not interested or you feel vunarable to expose whats in you to others who know you. Im not even sure what im writing make sense but who cares right...
Anyway I just want to write something about what happen yesterday-i tried to create this very blog but somehow made some mistakes and walla ! the whole page that i wrote was gone,but its ok worse thing have happen before. And since this time around i have manage to write i hope to be able to start a good relationship with this blog of mine.
I was in Kelantan yesterday to attend a meeting and its been years since ive been in that state. Contrary to popular believe the people in Kelantan are not strarving nor are they just waiting to have a revolution. I find KB a nice town which seems to thriving economically-theres construction going on, the streets are busy wth people doing their daily chores and things seems normal enough. Although i was there for only half a day and that too half the time in a conference room. The discussion that i had with the people there is a better indication of the situation in Kelantan. They are optimistic,speak well both in BM and English-of course with a slight slang...
Ive got to go for another meeting and i hope this wont be the first and last time for me in this blog of mine cause there a lot more somewhere in there...ta !