Inallilahwainailahirojiuun.

Its been a while since i last posted, too many things have happened in my life,major events. My elder brother pass away about three weeks ago. He was 55 and single. He has been suffering from all sorts of illness from young and that made him slower than the rest of us in the family. Initially it was not so bad,but when we all moved on with our careers and family and our children moved on as well,his complex and self esteemed took a beating. As a family we tried to do all sort of things,but none really work out,because the problem was he needed the kind of attention that we all could not afford-time,emphathy and companionship. Looking back, his death was actually just a confirmation of his earlier death-his will to live died a long time ago. The problem started when he turn adolescence-he couldnt cope wth the pressure,most normal teenagers cant cope ! And here was my brother who was not doing well in school ( dropout after form 3 ) having to cope with the fact that all his brothers went to boarding school etc and it got worse when his younger brothers did the same ( xcept me-didnot go to boarding school )We all got married had children and even some of our children had gotten married and had children of their own. Life it seems just zoom by pass him. His condition deteriorated over the years and he had to take anti depressant drugs which further aggrivated his physical condition and indirectly his mental health. The family ( my brothers and sister ) were too engrossed in the daily affairs of career and children to have paid the kind of attention he needed,yes in a way we were all guilty and have to bear a certain degree of responsiblity. When I recvd the news of his death, i was at a meeting wth some teachers discussing about some protest that we were going to do wth KPM about some misconduct of a teacher at another school. I could not leave the meeting,or could i ? By the time i got to my parents house, there was his body lying in the hall. As i approach his body and open the face covering a surge of sadness ( and guilt ) overcame me-i had never really paid attention to this brother of mine,infact many a time we had some serious fights and argument. When i was sitting for my SPM he actually attempted to burn all my school books-jealuosy,hatred,attention,all of those...i dont know. Now he lay in front of me and he was quite and still...
We were suppose to have the burial by zohor,but unfortunately because of his age the police wanted to do an autopsy-my mother would hear nothing of this and although he was send to the forensic unit HKL no autopsy was done-but not before we had to challenge the beraucracy all the way. Alhamdoolillah,with his grace, the burial finally took place at about 530pm at the Ampang Burial grounds. My mom has not really recovered and she cries everyday ( she is 80 ) and recently ( last week ) she felt in front of the bathroom,she was bedridden for a few days and has somewhat recovered,she can stand and walk slowly to the bathroom. My dad is 87, he is on the dialysis machine every two days and has done this for the last 5 years,but my brothers death has rob them of companionship and now there only the two of them in this house which has seven rooms ! It is lonely for them...
We come and visit every weekend as we have done all these years but what they want is someone to stay with them,but its difficult,we are all different,have different approach to life,have our own life and family. It is sad,but we are much better than most families that i have seen-that does not solve the problem anyways...we tried maids before but it never works out,they are lonely not hapless...Theres much much more to tell but life has to go on...

Wukuf and Hajj...Selamat menyambut Aidhul Adha...

Hajj Season is here ! and knowing that so many friends are going this year makes me very happy for them, for Hajj is truly once in a lifetime journey. If there is a turning point in ones life,its the Hajj. At Mecca and Medina you feel that the presence of God is so near,this is especially so during Wukuf,the highlight of Hajj. Hajj is wukuf,for if u cant be there ( arafah ) you dont get your Hajj. This rukun ( requirement which cannot be replaced ) Haji requires that you be present at this particular place during this particular time ,that is the 9th of Zulhijjah between Zohor and Asar. There are many hadiths that states that during this time that Allah swt is closest to to u and that any supplication that you make Allah will grant and fulfill.



All you see during this time is pilgrims praying,making doa,tears rolling down their cheek...it is reccommended that you stay outdoors to make your supplications,the scene is undescribable (sp),thousand and thousands of peaple in this area ( covering hills and in the desert ) in their ihram silently making doas...everyone is alone in their thoughts and yet together in this massively silent prayer to God. There is no special rites during wukuf,just be there and pray.



Later,after maghrib the pilgrims will make their way to Mina to spend part of the night there and cast stones to the devil at the place where the prophet Ibrahim ( pbuh ) was commanded by Allah swt to sacrifice his son Ishmael but was distracted by the devil at three places ( the place where the stoning takes place ). When prophet Ibrahim was about to do it ( Ishmael was replaced with a Kibas ) and thus Ibrahims ( pbuh ) faith and complete trust to Allah swt is the conerstone of our religion.



Imagine being there at the very place that these significant events took place. All the other rituals have significant meanings and was done by our beloved prophet Muhammad s.a.w. Saie is the ritual that the pilgrims will do after tawaf and this is where Hadjar ran seven times between two hills looking for water and where the spring sprouted is where the well of Zam Zam is now and the city of Mecca was born-thousands of years ago...



Allah has promised that those whose Hajj is accepted by Allah, he is lke a newborn child ( no sins what so ever ) and the reward is Jannah...



May all my friends and all my muslim brothers and sisters get Hajj Mabrurr...and may all muslims get the chance do Hajj ,as it is the last and final pillar of Islam...ameen ya rab bal alamin.

"Purification of the Heart-Signs,Symptons,and Cures of the Spiritual Diseases of the Heart"
Translation and Commentary of Imam al Mawluds's Matharat al-Qulub.
By Hamza Yusuf.

rumbling thots...

Some arguments can spoil a friendship or a relationship to the point of no return...possible ? you think you know someone well enough and feel close enough to say anything and not hide anything...then you end up fighting

...but there is a line and once you crossed the line its very difficult to return to the original situation..."feeling secure relax and confident" maybe we are afraid,cautious and don't want a "repeat of the hurtful fight" but it can never be the same again, or am i being too pessimistic ?

so what do you do ? Try to mend it or keep to yourself and withdraw for a while...but the a while might be too long and it becomes harder to mend. this is especially true if the parties involved are very sensitive people.

Ive always pride myself for being very open,being able to say what i think ( it gets me in trouble lots of time ) and able to accept any opinion as long as it is reasonable, rational and objective. But most people don't like to hear the truth. My problem is that sometimes i "sound" emotional-but I'm not. unfortunately for me that how i speak when i want to get a point across...

So people who are close to me accepts this-but then there are times even the close friends find my argument offensive ( actually its more of the way it is said...) Ive tried to reason this out-a possibility is because of my work-being a consultant it very frustrating when you talk to people who doublespeak all the time, so you stress your point often to get the message across...?

does it matter ? if the "problem" is with someone you dont care-it does not,not to me anyway but if you do care for the person ( close friends,family ) memang pening...

last days of Ramadhan...

Salams...its incredible how fast the days have gone by,there is less than 10days (nights) of Ramadhan left. As a reminder-the last ten days are the most rewarding as it is the most challenging. We should strive to maximise our ibadah as we never know whether we will be given the opportunity to experience the next ramadhan...

nuzul quran...

Today is Nuzul Quran n its a Public Holiday in Selangor. Its a good time to take stock of what we have achieved in this blessed month...May Allah swt continouslly guide and protect us in this temporal world...

For those that have been reading the Quran and know the significance of this very special month, Alhamdoolillah. One of the most special aspect of Ramadhan is the promise that Allah swt made that he will forgive all our sins ( except syirik ) this month if we fulfill our fasting obligations...yes, all of our sins-n Allah will certaintly carry out his promise.

For those who have the translation of the Quran read Surah33,verse35 to reinforce the characteristics of good muslims,and for those who wants to get closer to Allah swt, try the night prayers,insyaAllah,the feeling is very special and rewarding indeed...

For me...Its been anything but a holiday. My mother in law has been in hospital for the past month and the last few days her condition has taken the turn for worse, she is now in ICU at Serdang Hospital. She was transferred to Serdang only yesterday-before that she was admitted to SMC/SSC in Shah Alam for obvious reasons-dekat and expecting a better service,since she is very old 86+ and we first admitted her to do an ops since she had a fall which fractured her thigh bone. The operation was successful and she was in high spirits for about a week b4 it got worse and abt two weeks ago she had a minor stroke according to the doctors and she has been in and out of ICU there. But hospitals in Malaysia has to be a lot more sensitive-there is more to "medical needs" in a patients recuparation. In ICU you are allowed only about 4hours of visitation,that is to be by the bedside-this is very depressing for both patient and loved ones-when the patient wakes up,seeing her ownwill uplift her spirit but more often than not its the nurses,whose expression is more often than not " dont really care its just my job kinda of muka !!". further more last week when she was having difficulties ( we thot she was ready to go ) the nurses in SSC was very insensitive n the fact that 90% of them were non muslims didnt help. How many of us are prepared to face orang yang nazak and knows what to do...

...the other thing,private hospitals cost a bomb,up till today the hospitalisation has cost us/her RM50k. Thats when we decided that she has to be moved to Serdang. At SMC the ICU was RM300 per day than there is the visits by specialist etc...so for those not in Government service its better to get a good insurance coverage which includes hospitalisation plans for old age as well.

Im of the opinion that the Government should provide completely free medical services !~ Like a social obligation/function ( social state ) Hospitals/Medicine is now big business worldwide and when you mix social responsiblity with business-its dangerous. I know its costly and that we in Malaysia r so very fortunate to have an excellent medical infrastucture...but some sort of coverage must exist for all. We had to pay the ambulance services to our house COD ! RM2oo+ and later RM300 to take her to Serdang ! Its so cold n business like when u call the ambulance service,its like we are losing our humanity...

Theres a lot more i would like to say about our medical services in this country ( both positive and negative aspects ) but i would like to do some research to substantiate my claims later...but i would like to put on record that there were also very good doctors/nurses who have not forget that the human aspects is just as or more important than all the "medicines/expertise" in the world !!

4 september 1982

...today is a very special day for me for various reasons. First and foremost its my 26th wedding anniversary,yep Ive been married for 26 years ! Its been an amazing 26 years, ive been married longer than when i was single ( was 22 ) . Meaning being married is my life and i cannot imagine a life without my wife and my family. which begs the obvious question-why i never tell/write about my family in my blog. I have never really thought about it actually,but its got to do with the early part of the marriage. we married as students and have always done things together-our first child was born exactly ten biological months after our wedding day ! She was born on the 5th july 1983, she is 25 now and happily married herself,pregnant and expecting her first child in Feb 2007. me a grand dad then!

Part of the test of our marriage was the fact that we married so young that when we students and in the early part of our carreers we didnt know how to handle other relatonships-her friends,my friends especially the new ones or the ones who did not know we were married. And during the 80's my circle was less religous and too liberal-this freedom did cause a certain amount of problem in our relationship-but we learn to adapt and compromise to make the marriage work. Yes we were in love-but love alone is not enough to make a marriage work we had to work hard to give our marriage a chance...alhamdoolillah it has lasted this long and i pray and hope that our marriage will last until one of us, breath his/her last breath.

We both dont look our age and when i got married,most people think my wife n i use the marriage excuse to our advantage,actually its otherwise.

So in order not to complicate matters we rarely tell people that we meet for the first time that we are married-everytime we tell people that we were married most people do not believe us anyway. My wife is blessed with a "baby face" ,even today she can pass off as 20's or early 30's and there are times some people still make a pass at her !

In the early years it was difficult for me, but we adjust and accept it. Well thats one of the reasons, i dont know whether it makes sense. The other is we always had to hide from our sponsors ( jpa ) then the fact that we were married,for four years in the states we never introduce to strangers the fact that we were married until we were sure that it was safe. We cannot afford to lose our schlarship as we had a child then and the fact that we both did not want to fail our parents,family and of course our sponsors.( Today is the17th of September-kononnya nak tambah lagi cerita later,but its been soooo...hectic nanti lansung tak post,never mind when the time is right or kalu ada time...)

31 august 2008, 1 Ramadhan 1429

I feel a bit down today. Amongst the reasons is when i read the newspapers its really depressing, i dont know if others have the same observation-the star is actually a very racist paper, i have notice over the years that they would highlight apparent weaknesses of Malays and Muslims and glorify sucesseses of other races particularly of the Chinese. Its done quite subtly but the message is clear. Wonder if there are people monitoring them and taking note of the prejudices that they write in the print. The NST is no better, they are too pro-establishment and do not write objectively. The Malay newspaper are just as bad or worse,they might as well label themselves Utusan Umno and Berita Umno-other than that the intellectual content is less than 10%.

Im afraid that the Malays are not being projected correctly because the mainstream newspapers are either too concern about protecting their political or have their own hidden agenda (the Star). I do believe most Malaysians are disgusted with the print media,but the only alternative is the electronic media( i mean the internet) which is more free ( too free ? ) but not widely read enough, at least the reader can get different views. One thing for certain most Malaysians agree is that the country is going thru a very significant phase of Nation bulding.

This is where the role of the Media becomes important, to educate the public that all of us wants peace,wants accountability and that each of us should respect differing views,without giving the impression that ones view is superior to the others. Therefore news should be reported objectively and all views should be allowed equall space and time. If Sisters in Islam can be given space to air their view ( n projected positively-liberal etc) then views of muslimah must be projected positively too-but more often than not the Islamic point of view is always potrayed in a very negative way ( conservative,narrow world view etc). There are weaknesses in the way Islamic law is carried out in this country,the problem is not Islamic Law,but the implementors and the weaknesses in the system.

Im not doing justice to this discussion, it actually deserves more time and lenghty writings to discuss how the media can be a very positive tool for nation building. i pray and hope that the current young writers( and future leaders ) of all races in Malaysia will be able to find a way to work towards building a responsible and objective media vis a vis a truly Malaysian Malaysia.

Selamat menyambut hari kemerdekaan !! and to my muslims brothers and sisters selamat mengerjakan ibadah berpuasa in the coming ramadhan.

Salams...

Relationship part 2...

i have had many experiences in my life,sometimes these experiences makes me feel that i have come a long way in understanding this life,the emotions involved,people,relationships,our purpose in this world...but then again i realize, i really dont know much ! U know life is like a roller coaster, one day you are way up there and b4 you know youre right down there. my best years financially 98-2000 were also my worse years personally. spritually i was really "bad" !! My ego was at its worse ( i had bosses who taught me that the only way to get things done was to be mean ), i thought i was smart or at least smarter than most, i was paid the highest amongs my peers. My subordinates were either really afraid of me or pretended to be afraid,most i think hated me-i use to scream and throw tantrums( bcos it was the culture) and anything my hands could get to. Less than three years in the so called "blue eyed corporate group" of those years, i was given a company to run. iI was moving upwards and fast in these organisations and manage to turn around two companies and managed to even get one of these companies listed. but i always felt empty, i was loosing myself,my friends and more importantly my family...i didnt really have true good friends, i had many aquaintances and a lot of people around me that were there because i had something to offer or i presented a threat to the position that they were holding or i presented them an oppurtunity to get close to the so called corporate captains at that time...when i think about it i really didnt like the person i was then.



So i left the group in the year 2000 and tried to be on my own. Financially those were really lean years. But those years in the corporate world did train me to be a fighter,to never give up. I also had more time to do a lot of soul searching. When you dont have money and position then you get to know people who really are you friends-which is not many. you also get to know yourself better-your limits,what you really want and somehow look at things in a different perspective...you learn that life is a process and that you never really stop learning. you refocus,reevaluate and rediscover your self. More than anything in this world i wanted contentment,peace and feel good ( happy ) and good companionship. Books were my first love, i discovered at an early age that i could read a good book and move into another world,the subject matter did not really matter-as long as it was interesthing ( to me at least ) They were my friend then and they still are today and i still spend a lot on books today as i did when i was in the group.

Where is all this leading to...tak tau la. But i do want to tell this story,what happen yesterday. Ive seen a lot,but yesterday was something else. I got to know these ladies recently,less than a few months,and we were discussing ways to do business as they were in the FnB business and needed some help that was related to my line-design and construction ( although its not what i do now,i do hv some experience and knowledge)

After a lenghthy discussion on the proposed site ( they have a restaurant that they want to renovate ) one of them call me and said she needed to meet me later as there was an urgent matter. To cut the story short-she ask me for a loan and told me that all their accounts are frozen due to some technicallity-kind of hard to believe,both driving expensive cars,dress well and well educated. The amount they ask was small ( because she told me it was for the two of them as they had to fly somewhere the next day,tickets dah ada just needed some cash for the day trip to east malaysia,i think...?

She said they will pay me in a month-but how do you operate a restaurant if you cant even have or dnt have cash ? They said if they dont have the money they would have to cancell the trip and it will cause losses to their business. normally i wouldnt have mind,but recently a lot of "friends" have not being paying loans wth sob2 stories-total amount thus far about 20k. Some as long as 5 years-i consider it gone...

so am i a fool ? or too soft for business ? or people see me as someone that can be easily taken advantage of ? Theres more to this,both these ladies are also divorced,...people say im too close to them, i dont think so bacause i dont think you should be judge on your marital status, u know the stigma...so what do you do,just walk away because they are divorced ,well i dont know....ah the complexity of relationships !!!

Friend or fiend ?

There are times in your life when you feel like giving up on helping people. We are not suppose to expect people to return good deeds with good deeds or whatever rewards,suffice for us to do it sincerely and Godwilling the rewards will come in the here after, in this materialistic physical world the idea of helping people in need will /is/ in itself a reward because you get this nice feeling after helping people in need.

But my recent experience has been a sad one. about two years ago this so call friend of mine turn up at my office asking for assistance-he was jobless was in a financial mess and needed help. After a few round of discussion i offered him a position in my company that allowed him some degree of freedom( meaning he is not subjected to regular working hrs) ,a monthly income of about 5k which is earn through the jobs that i get by using his experience/CV. He could not get jobs on his own although he is very experienced,somehow working wth me changed that,jobs were pouring in thru my company some wth his CV being used. As clients dont pay immediately or regularly, i paid him monthly to ensure a steady monthly income. Some of the jobs in which he is to do on his own-he keep the fees. So what he got was monthly income for jobs using my companys name and what he got on his own but still under the banner of my business we take a minimum sum 10-20%.

By my calculationshe easily made about 150k and still had a fix salary of 5k per month,in total 60k pr year or 120k plus 150k thats 270k !! and yet after two years he tells people that i under pay him thus he left the company recently,taking away his jobs that was earned under the banner of the company. To add insult to injury he refuse to complete the work that he has agreed to do for us and demands that he be paid to complete those work although when he did not have a job nor brought money to the company he was still being paid.

How do we explain this guys behaviour ? One word-GREED ! Once he thought he can survive on his own he felt that the percentage that was given to the company was to high and he could earn more on his own. This was a guy who two years ago had lawyers and bankers chasing him all over town,he could nor even pay for his car and house ( both were sold or were taken over by the banks ) and now tells me to pay him more if he were to complete the work that he was contractually expected to. This is a guy who has earned 270k without contributing a single sen to the companys expenses and whose expenses was covered to the last sen in terms of mileage and hotel expenses etc.

Do i feel like killing him ? YES ! initially, then after prayers you tend to calm down and .... i wont stoop to his level, insyaAllah the truth always will prevail. I dont hold any grudges against him but im quite happy if we never cross path again in this life, in the next we will both be judged by the ultimate judge and will be rewarded or punish accordingly. Revenge and anger only erodes ones spritual self so i leave it to God...

God knows best...

Relationships...n opinion

Relationships are never easy. This is especially so when you set certain standards and have certain expectations from that relationship. this expectation or your "world view" is formed from your own life experiences-the relationship you have with your parents,friends-the books that you read, the friends that you have especially during the formative years of adulthood-from about 12-20. from my own experience i find those that go to college/boarding school early ( form 1) have a basic different world view/attitude/ than those who went at form 4. Those who went earlier tend to be much closer to their peers than their parents and family. They tend to be a lil detached with "Family" matters and have problems with people outside their circle. Those that did not go to boarding school are also different/have quite different view of things...Although most wont admit it.



A closely knit family also creates a more conducive environment for these 12-20s, if the parents and siblings are loving and open, chances are the individual would have similar traits. Of course this is not an end all diagnosis-but look at the friends around you and chances after sometime you would be able to tell where they come from-school,family,state etc. and corelate this to their personality. Once you recognise and accept this fact than relationships would be a little easier to handle.



My parents and a lot of the older generation parents were "match make"-my dad was 22 and mom was 16 when they got married-but their marriage has last more than 60 years ! ( they are now 85 and 79 respectively ) The wisdom of their parents were to match these couples on "similarities" and falling in love would follow naturally. Today, this would not be acceptable because this generation has been tuned to accept the fact that you must fall in love first before marriage. Falling in love instantly ( love at first sight ) is a myth created in the movies and by authors such as mills and Boone, attraction at first sight,followed by lust is more often than not the case. Maybe, just maybe there are instances where love at first sight do happen but the probability of this happening must be 1 in a million ! True love is a process, the realisation might hit you wham ! for instance amongst friends that you never imagined in million years would be your spouse...

Well what explanation then do we have for infidelity and people having extra marital affairs. There are many reasons but one of the most common one would be when the relationship has lost the spark...the reasons for leaving is stronger than staying and sparks fly with another person. Its not just a male thing,although the occurrence is more with the male species. i know a lot of female friends who are going through affairs because their relationship with their husbands are at zero level-they don't talk.no sexual relationship and they don't even sleep in the same bedroom.

These people are not nasty or mean people,most are decent, have good jobs, good family background, nice children, good educational background, but what when wrong ? one reason is communication or the lack of it, one start sulking not talking the other to proud to restart or try,so they stop talking and this goes on and after sometime they are like total strangers...so there must be compromise and for a healthy and thriving relationship ego between the two must be zero. To blame time away from the spouse and family because of work is not acceptable,away physically does not mean non involvement. being involved and being part of the other persons life is very important,involved in making important decisions together-but not at the expense of personal space and overbearingness...(?)

There are many couples who have spend much of their life's separated because of their career but have a very loving and meaningful relationship. Its not ideal, and can be very difficult...but it can work, if there is communication,commitment, compromise and involvement the togetherness...Actually this should be easier nowadays with the invention of the hand phone and the Internet,there are many that have got together because of the net and have sustained their relationship this way. But on the other hand it is also use to abuse...

Money, that can be a strong reason too,many men feel threaten when they earn less than their spouse,initially love conquers all, but his self worth ( as a man) is question by the family,friends and especially the wife who initially could accept it but after many2 years of innuendos by friends... etc than the trouble begins. Sometimes the wife is really OK,but the man esp with low self esteem will start imagining all sorts of thing...

One of the most important thing in a relationship is also our relationship with Allah swt. Absolute love ,faith and obedience without seeing but knowing always that we are seen and every single thought of ours is known...this requires more elaborate explanation and time...

Theres much more about relationships,suffice for now...cause Ive got to take care of mine too...Salams !

signs of the all mighty...

something to think about...it seems that geologist from ARAMCO have been unable to explain this phenomenon.

down south...

Ive finally managed to get my mobile broadband adapter to work-after more than three months-ada je yang rosak,from the driver to the unit itself,just in time for my trip to Tg Kapal. Its nice to have the notebook working and being able to have internet ! Usually i will have an early dinner,some light reading and off to bed. But tonite,for the first time in quite a while i dont to have think about work !


I brought along the whole office ( minus my secretary/PA ) for this trip,which actually consisted of a meeting ( presentation actually ), site visit and a lil company trip all pack into two days ! The guys ( i have more women staff actually, 9 ladies and 4 gentlement )really deserve the break as we have been working very hard to complete this particular project. Tonite its just going to be ikan bakar,sembang2 and not think nor talk about work...


As far as work is concern this has been a good week with lots of good news, Firstly we are very happy that Melaka and Penang has finally obtain the status as a World Heritage site. While we will never be be recognised, we played our role for Melaka and at least a few important people in the government acknowledge our small yet significant role.


Just now, was our final presentation to the full technical committee ( federal,state and district representative) and the report was accepted,insyaAllah,maybe... just maybe our ideas to help solve or ease the flooding problem in Kota Tinggi will be implemented. Some of he ideas are quite radical ( innovative ? ) as it involves changing acceptable design standards and practise. But i like unconventional-its kind of my signature...



A lil abt Tg Kapal, its a quaint place on the southern tip of Johor ( Johor River ), the eastern side as oppose to the location of Tg Bin ( Sg Pulai ) which is on the western side. probably got its name because you could watch ships lining up to enter Singapore ( literally ) or Johor Port and this must hv happened from centuries ago, while we were there there was at least 30 ships of various size lining the horizon. Its a fantastic view as this goes on throughout the day and night.



For the very brave,there is a long underground tunnel ( almost half a kilometre ) from outside the Naval base ( Tg Penggelih-abt 5km from here ) that leads to the top of a hill which was once a British/Malay Sultanate/Japanese Fotress because of its strategic location overlooking the Johor river. But according to the locals that i talk to,they release a pair of dogs (some time back) into the tunnel ( which has a small entrance-2'x4') but the dogs never came out !! The tunnel was built during the Japanese occupation as a strategic defense system which allows them to defend the coast at the same time retreat to the fotress on top of the hill when the need arises.



Actually Kota Tinggi has a lot of other interesting tales-Big Foot,The Lost City,Historical aspects of Malay Sultanate and natural features etc but somehow the story is not publicised well enough...maybe the authorities should privatise the tourism industry and expose this/the potential tourist attraction...any takers ?

hmm...life

yep... its a long2 time ...since i last posted ( too long ?), i have always feel the need/urge to write but its very difficult when youre always on the move and by the time u get home/ to bed all u wanna to do is sleep ! and more often than not u cant coz you need to read to prepare for the next days meeting or presentatation etc...it has been that hectic. To fit in the daily prayers ( on time) takes a massive amount of effort-actually-but it shouldnt.Today is not a routine day for me,today its a little different,well actually it started a couple of days ago when i got hold of a very interesting book and spend most of the weekend reading it,its one of those books u cant put down. Its a book that hits you,wham,right in the face for its clarity,truthfulness and has the quality that it is as if its really talking to you and answering the questions that have been popping in your head from time to time...the title of the book ? well im not ready to share yet as im sure it has the potential to create controversy and maybe a lil confusion...
so much about the book. actually the last few nights i have not been able to sleep ( well ) and and by 4am im up and alert ( its not because of the ongoing euro ) and enjoy the silent and peace that i find at this time of the morning ( night ?),so since im awake ive been doing my night prayers and i find it an experience that is very satisfying/gratifying-i feel that at that moment in time theres only me in this world communicating to the creator !! its just that your concentration level is so high ( khusyuk ) that you dont really want the prayer nor the morning/night to end...and you feel that you want to share this wonderful feeling wth everyone so that everyone can experience it...
Thats why the last messenger,our beloved prophet pbuh,recommends that it should be done at least once in a life time,ideally-nightly ! Anyways whenever one is pursuing the truth one will be confronted with many trials and tribulations,its like that,theres no escaping ,it comes in a package...So i was feeling so elated this morning-feel that i can face the whole world,feel so heavenly (?) and take whatever it (the world)has to offer for the day. So i snd sms to friends and family that i think would appreciate a little reminder...
But i was soon brought down to earth...
Many friends/family/relatives tell me that they think im strong and i can handle the most difficult of situations. i have always ( try ) potrayed that too,but i think im weak ( or just human ?)...a simple argument with my children/wife ( esp wife ) will make me really depress and sad and i find it very2 difficult to focus on my work-but i have to put on a brave front-its hard to smile when you really feel rotten inside. What makes me really crazy is that the argument is really over some things that is sooo.. insignificant ( maybe to me but not to them ? ) But really human communication ( man/woman/child ) can sometimes be so difficult...i guess thats what makes life interesting,huh..?Maybe i m too sensitive, but if you learn to put on a front be hard and unemotional about things then you become hard and unemotional ! See, in situations like this its good to talk to someone not emotionally attached so that you can discuss about it objectively-but how,when,who...so you end up writing...but im not that expressive in writing especially when im doing work,answering calls etc.well its 615 pm,got to call it quits, got to finish some work and will be leaving for NS early 2moro am for a mtf,site visit and presentation-maybe,insyaAllah when i pray tonite,i will feel elated again...

Privacy...

What is considered private domain and what is considered public domain ? it has become blurred because of the advent of internet. you can choose to expose/be yourself but you take the risk of others taking advantage. Where do you draw the line ? Its a fact that people nowdays are using blogs and other means in the internet to communicate,express themselves and put their opinion across.

Relationships have also taken new dimensions. Whether its business,political or personal-the emails/smsses have change the way things are done. There are advantages-since you can get across your message n a reply in an instant. Sometimes miscommunication do occur because different people have different level of command of the language,yes the general meaning is there,but the art of reading between the lines depends a lot on one's command of the language.

For instance, although my English is not the best around-my brothers would kill me for my grammar,tenses and spelling. I think,speak,dream in English ! I hardly speak in BM and find it difficult to express myself. Its not that i dont or cant speak bahasa,its because i went through a school system from primary one till form five in English. My undergraduate and post graduate studies were overseas and ive work umpteen years in the private sector.

So when i communicate to most people today, i sometimes wonder whether we are talking about the same thing ! The general ideas get across but the subtle message is lost which is sometimes critical to the whole message. when i do presentatation to an audience its a bit easier because you can judge the audience perception thru their expression but when your are e mailing there some information lost. Yes ?

Then there is the personal relationship,because of hectic schduel people do communicate more through emails/sms etc. Just look at teenagers nowdays they can even type without looking at the keypad...

to be cont...

Vote Part 2

Congratulations to ALL Malaysians ! We have send a strong message to the Government of the day, that we want a CLEAN,TRANSPARENT,RESPONSIVE and FAIR government. It truly is a victory for all Malaysians, irrespective of race and religion.

The fight was against corruption,power abuse,irresponsiblity and cronyism (sp). Malays should not fear and hv doubts about this change,insyaAllah-its a sign of maturity of all races. We still have a long, long way to go, but it was the first step in the right direction. We are all one,have the same needs,emotions,wants etc and created by the ONE and only God.

But the people in power wants to remain in power at all cost n use racial sentiments and fear to remain in power. Its actually a battle between social classes and between good and evil. A crook is a crook regardless of race or religion. Lets look forward to a better Malaysia-and lets work together to acheive this...

World Heritage Centre - Cities of Asia

World Heritage Centre - Cities of Asia

Vote Part 1

...Salams,chances are not many people will read what im about to write about the soon to be elections in our beloved country. The reason being I have only given my blog address to very few people and the fact that my writing is probably not very interesting to most people.

First and foremost i would like to welcome those who are first timer voters. In a democratic system the right to vote should never be taken for granted. The process of voting is probably the closest thing most citizens get, to be part of the process of decision making in the future of the country. Although one vote does not make a difference, it is recorded that you have put your view and contributed to one political party or the other. Thats democracy, majority wins,even by one vote ! Of course its not as simple as that for there are variations in the democratic system-its not purely by the total number of popular votes but by parlimentary seats in commonwealth countries and by electrol college in the American system. Im not going into the details of how the various system works for that responsiblity lies with anyone who wants to understandthe various democratic process.

The objective of my writing today is towards the Malaysian voters for the coming general elections. I hope the voters will take this opportunity to vote and vote wisely. I hope voters will vote to state their dissatisfaction towards many of the policies that is currently being carried out by the government. Again if i were to go into the details and analysed the various policies, it will take a very long paper to adress the various issues and policies. One also needs to be objective and not be emotional and have built in prejudices ( this is not easy-as for sure you belong to a race a religion a group etc ) But as an educated person-you must always look at things objectively.

The Government of the day is very smart ( at least the advisors ) it knows that most Malaysians dont read enough. While most read newspapapers, they read different newspapers. Most Malays read the mainstream Newspapers-Berita Harian,Utusan Malaysia,to a lesser extent the Utusan Jawi. A substantial amount read NST or the Star for Englisg Edition. ( Malays and other Malaysians who read English edition read the Star more than the NST ) Unfortunately the younger generation of Malays dont read as much as their counterpart of other races especially the Chinese who read the English and Chinese Edition rather extensively.

Different issues is highlighted differently in each vernucalar paper thus the "same issues" is look at differently by each community and clouded with racial prejudices. Thus very important issues which has national significance ( in terms of unity,identity ) takes a very racial perspective,whereas it should not. For example the issue of Chinese Schools. For a country that has been independent for 50 years we are still discussing issues on the number of Chinese schools etc. The Malay majority government will make statements that it supports Chinese school and will give money ( which the community doesn need anyway ) to increase the number of Chinese school and will move the near empty schools to more populated area to maintain the number of Chinese Schools.

The fact is that the Chinese school system is very good. For Chinese school that has very low student population it is more advisable to make the local population ( Malays,Chinese or Indians) to attend these schools,rather than move these schools or force the students to attend national schools. The Chinese school should also adapt more to reflect its Malaysianess whether in Curriculum or appearence so that the national objective of unity and identity can be acheived. This is easier said than done-but the current practise of increasing Chinese and Indian schools so that the community is happy is playing along racial lines that is suitable to the agenda of the ruling coalition. The issue is not look at objectively but look at from the practical point of view-especially for the political survival of the current racial biased political ruling coalition.

So what does the Newspapers do ? They tell the story that each "community" wants to hear, not of the issues of these schools in the context of National Identity and Unity. This is again a major point in which the country has to settle and discuss and agree-but it cannot be solved by just building more Chinese n Indian schools in the country ! ( N by going to the Malay rural areas and building more religous schools-which is not happening anyway, because the ruling party is worried that this will create more supporters for the opposition ). This is only one major issue which has been dealth wth wrongly by the current government-and not analysed properly by the Newspaper and given the wrong information and impression to the Masses.

For the next two weeks i hope most Malaysians will look at the track record of the current government and be fair to the various political party,look at the candidates not just at the party they represent. We want stability,we want peace but we also want a strong and honest government. We should deny the ruling coalition its 2/3 majority, we should vote out deadwood ploticians and we should make our voices be heard.

fading away...

Wow...ive not written for the longest time, i know its crazy,but of course its work ! I guess it will only end when life ends ! or i have to take the drastic action of just retiring,not that i can afford it. Its really being caught in a very difficult situation,you feel trapped and there seems to be no escape route. Its like the rat in a maze, you go round and round and you eventually end up at the same place. But its ok, im not really that depressed,because ultimately the choice is still mine...or is it ? Could it be fated that my life would be like this-trapped and unescapable ? Have not been able to read as well...the most is newspaper,which is depressing as well.

Well at least Linggam is providing some entertainment-"looks like me,sounds like me,but"...only he can con technology ! Where is this country going to ? I ve lost my faith in Lawyers and Judges,but my hope lies with the younger generation,the younger Malaysians. I hope and pray that they will be able to accept that there is good and evil,that there is a difference and that it matters. The world today has muddled this,the line between goodness/godliness and between evil and badness is blurred. True to the prophecy-towards the end of time people who are evil are given recognition and praise and those who do good are considered irrelevant "to the needs of modern society" look around us and we see examples aplenty.

Actually all humans are born to submit to the will of the almighty,as every other creature is-to submit to the will of the almighty,but along the way most of us fall to the folly of the dark side,because the attraction and pull is very strong and the reward very quick ( though not lasting )everything now is speed and immediate we have forgotten the old slow way,the right way-where pleasure is enjoyed longer because its obtain thru the blessings of the creator.

Who are we if not the created ? The creator knows best what is good for the created. But no...we succumbed to our base instincts the reasons which was for its "survival", the I above the we, then we are just like the other creatures,if we follow our lust and try to dominate others. But we are created special,we are the chosen one,if we chose to be-all we have to do is ask and belief and know that ultimately we have no other choice but to submit-then we will find peace...Godwilling.